i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
