Swine flu. Run for my life!
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize