i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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