happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
