Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
