Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
