Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
