he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
