ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
