Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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