If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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