are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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