you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
