So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
