Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
