the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
