the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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