I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
