Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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