I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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