i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
