I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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