So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
