New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think my fart just growled at me.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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