take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
