theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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