my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
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I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
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You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.