Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
