I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is