Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
