Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
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Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
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I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.