One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
