I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
