Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person