Texts From Last Night

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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.

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  (907): I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it. http://tfl.nu/6xls
  Replies (38) Good night (8629) Bad night (1364)
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  (530): View more from California

  My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.

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  (530): My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower. http://tfl.nu/udbm
  Replies (16) Good night (615) Bad night (5550)
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  (408): View more from California

  Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.

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  (408): Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class. http://tfl.nu/q2vz
  Replies (12) Good night (3132) Bad night (1186)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.

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  (864): I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized. http://tfl.nu/3fi2
  Replies (7) Good night (1462) Bad night (2602)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.

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  (316): Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary. http://tfl.nu/cfqj
  Replies (14) Good night (2423) Bad night (1322)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck

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  (619): Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck http://tfl.nu/s9r0
  Replies (20) Good night (3413) Bad night (1696)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.

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  (412): Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator. http://tfl.nu/e8nd
  Replies (6) Good night (1750) Bad night (507)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.

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  (858): I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling. http://tfl.nu/biin
  Replies (10) Good night (1314) Bad night (618)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose

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  (216): I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose http://tfl.nu/hd86
  Replies (18) Good night (1891) Bad night (672)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent

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  (330): If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent http://tfl.nu/pu74
  Replies (6) Good night (440) Bad night (1165)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.

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  (407): Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out. http://tfl.nu/1dhs
  Replies (4) Good night (958) Bad night (751)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.

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  (630): First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out. http://tfl.nu/rcq3
  Replies (11) Good night (687) Bad night (370)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.

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  (415): I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings. http://tfl.nu/ozbw
  Replies (0) Good night (494) Bad night (200)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet

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  (626): I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet http://tfl.nu/8x4b
  Replies (0) Good night (448) Bad night (196)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea

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  (609): I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea http://tfl.nu/yi5k
  Replies (2) Good night (258) Bad night (229)

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