She is in my trunk
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize