We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We need to rekindle our bromance
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
