Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize