The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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