It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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