if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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