As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
