my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize