I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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