I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize