when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
