She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
