i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You smell like a Billy Joel song
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
