He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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