I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
