I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She's the barista slut.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
