I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
