They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
