This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
be right there i have to get my cape
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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