I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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