The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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