i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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