I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
well I can't set my house on fire every night
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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