I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
