I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
