I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
This show inspires me to have sex in space
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
