wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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