haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
