Plan B is the new Plan A
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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