Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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