Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
