Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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