Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
