I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
