wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
third nipple confirmed
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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