Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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