yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You are the jesus of drinking
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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