i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
