Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
