Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We have started to decorate penises.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
