you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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