Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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