i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
