end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She bit a glass in half.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
