found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
