Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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