My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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