He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
