Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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