Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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