Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
