Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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