She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
